4 Things We Learned from Mindy Kaling on Confidence

Raise your hand if you want to unlock the secrets of how to grow your confidence to step into your full leadership potential 🙋‍♀️

Let’s dive into Mindy Kaling’s guide on how to set yourself up for success and banish feelings of inadequacy from her book, Why Not Me?

1. You Have to Earn That Bulletproof Feeling

“Confidence is just entitlement. Entitlement has gotten a bad rap because it’s used almost exclusively for the useless children of the rich, reality TV stars, and Conrad Hilton Jr., who gets kicked off an airplane for smoking pot in the lavatory and calling people peasants or whatever. But entitlement in and of itself isn’t so bad. Entitlement is simply the belief that you deserve something. Which is great. The hard part is, you’d better make sure you deserve it.”

Mindy highlights the importance of putting in hard work as the foundation on which you can build your confidence. Once you start putting in that work, you’ll start believing in yourself and soon after, others will too.

2. Hard Work; or, the Thing No One Wants to Hear About

“In the summer after fourth grade, my parents enrolled me in a two-week-long basketball camp…And I was terrible. I could’ve gotten better, but I didn’t want to do drills. I just wanted to play pickup games, socialize, and drink Gatorade. I never wanted to practice. At the end of the two-week camp, I was no better at basketball. But at the farewell ceremony, trophies were handed out and I got one for “Coolest Clothes.” I ran home, delighted, and placed it proudly on top of our TV for all to see.

Weeks later, I went to the TV room to find that it was gone. My beautiful trophy! Was it stolen by a gang of criminals jealous of my peach denim shorts from the Limited Too?! Mom told me she had ‘put it away.’ I didn’t understand. Someone had singled me out for praise and the trophy deserved to be seen. Then my mom said something to me, slowly and carefully, like she always did to make sure I was really listening: ‘They gave you that trophy so you wouldn’t feel bad, not because you deserved it. You should know the difference.’”

Mindy points out that confidence without hard work is shortsighted. Though hurt, she realized her mom might have a point. If she wanted long-term, sustainable confidence, she needed to feel like she earned it. And if you want to feel confident, look at everything you’ve accomplished to date and feel proud because you deserve it!

3. The Tiniest Bit of Bravery

“People’s reaction to me is sometimes ‘Uch, I just don’t like her. I hate how she thinks she is so great.’ But it’s not that I think I’m so great. I just don’t hate myself. I do idiotic things all the time and I say crazy stuff I regret, but I don’t let everything traumatize me. And the scary thing I have noticed is that some people really feel uncomfortable around women who don’t hate themselves…Which is why you need the tiniest bit of bravery. People get scared when you try to do something, especially when it looks like you’re succeeding. People do not get scared when you’re failing. It calms them…when you’re winning, it makes them feel like they’re losing or, worse yet, that maybe they should’ve tried to do something too, but now it’s too late. And since they didn’t, they want to stop you. You can’t let them.”

Successful people will inevitably have haters. But that doesn’t mean that they have to hate themselves. You will find success despite what people might say about you–drown out that noise and keep doing you!

4. We Can Do It! No, I’m Serious. We Really Can!

“At the end of the interview, the moderator opened the floor to the audience. I noticed that the small group of people who lined up to ask me questions looked very different from the majority of the crowd. They were mostly young women of color. After a few people went, a young Indian girl stepped forward to take the microphone. She looked about fifteen, and not only out of place in that crowd but also a little young to be asking a question in front of such a big audience. I think she felt it, too, because I could see from the stage that she was shaking. After a moment of nervous silence, she asked, ‘Mindy, where do you get your confidence? Because I feel like I used to have it when I was younger but now I don’t.’

My answer was not very good. My tiredness betrayed me, and I think I said something like: ‘Wow, I don’t know. I think it’s from my parents always telling me I could do anything. I wish I had a better answer for you.’ I wished her good luck, and she nodded politely and said thank you.

So, if that girl from the panel is reading this, I would like to say to her: Hi, it’s Mindy Kaling. I’m sorry I let you down. The thing is, I’m in my mid-thirties and I was wearing my Spanx for fourteen hours straight. You’ll understand when you’re older. Here’s how I think you can get your confidence back, kid:

Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled. Listen to no one except the two smartest and kindest adults you know, and that doesn’t always mean your parents. If you do that, you will be fine. Now, excuse me, I need to lie down and watch Sheldon.” *mic drop*

Building confidence is not easy and it takes time. But by putting in the work and having the bravery to work through criticism and assumptions, you will start believing in yourself and your abilities. Start taking your first step by thinking about what you want to do or be good at. Then, learn, practice, research, and study to the point where you can confidently say “I am deserving” and “I do belong.”

Mindy offers a compelling roadmap to create lasting confidence through hard work and embracing a courageous mindset in the face of criticism. True confidence is earned through dedication and an unwavering belief in yourself. As you continue on your confidence journey, remember to embrace your accomplishments, drown out the doubt, and be bold.

Interested in taking the next step in becoming the leader you aspire to be? Download our worksheet, Building Personal Confidence, or sign up for our audio course, Power in Purpose, to find out how to channel your confidence and purpose into action for your community.